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Tales from the Mile High Club

Eager to play the sexy girl

21st July 2012

I was reading the review section of the Guardian this morning when I came across the bestseller lists for books. The top three titles accounted for over a million sales and you know what, they are all works of erotic fiction and all by one author, E L James. You have already guessed of course that this is the ‘Fifty Shades...’ trilogy. Isn’t it a little strange that all three titles are out at the same time or is it just that it has taken this long for the books to be discovered?

I have only read the first one and whilst it is quite titillating in parts and downright dirty in others I can’t say that I thought it was particularly well written or even that believable. It just seems a tad corny utilising as it does all the clichés such as the young and sexually inexperienced girl whose innocence is there just waiting to be plucked like an apple from a tree, the sexually deviant and wealthy entrepreneur who introduces the girl to the darkest depths of desire and her uncertain footsteps towards full sexual awareness. The tension arises from the ‘will she, won’t she’ nature of the sexual encounters and I must admit there is one particularly hot passage that did have me desperate for some raunchy sex action of my own. My date that evening was in luck I can tell you.

Apparently they are making a movie of the book and I’d like to hold my hand up right now and suggest that I would be perfect for the part of the young innocent. I’m the same age at twenty two, I have the flowing locks that would be perfect for those scenes where I would have to straddle and ride my lover, throwing my head and my hair about with abandon. I have lovely pale skin and a body made for sin and my pouting lips look perfect when covered with a smear of crimson lipstick. I’m also a fun girl who is up for anything!

Unfortunately I imagine every actress, lap dancer, model, visiting escort and ‘it’ girl will be after what will be a much coveted role. I jokingly mentioned the movie this morning at the escort agency and every blonde escort and brunette escort in the room was suddenly an actress and desperate to play the part. Would be a great advertisement for Airport escorts I think… I wonder just who will land the role? You need someone with that blend of youth and innocence who can suggest hidden depths of passion and longing. And then who will play Christian Grey? Needs someone haughty and aristocratic. Mm, this casting thing is difficult! Let me have your ideas!